Live Again Tomorrow
by kindredghosts
Summary: Sasha has a terrible nightmare that Connie dies in an expedition outside the walls, however when events of her "dream" match up with reality & he dies again, Sasha is left feeling emotionally void. She wakes up the next morning to find the day of the expedition repeating itself & Connie meeting the same fate. Will Sasha be able to break free of the time loop & save Connie?
1. Chapter 1 A Dream?

**Author's Notes**

This is one of my first fanfics. I've written a couple, but I've never published them. I'm excited to finally share one of my stories. I welcome and appreciate any concrit, especially in the areas of story flow and writing in-character. If I got any canonical information wrong within the story, please feel free to point it out. Thank you in advance :D

Here is the context for this fic (spoilers ahead for the manga/anime): the story takes place after the Beast Titan appears, and branches off from the main story after chapter 41. Reiner and Bertolt haven't revealed they're titans, and expeditions are lead outside the walls to gather information and catch a titans if they can manage so they can experiment on them.

The names that I give some characters are not OCs, but instead just naming unspecified background characters within the series.

I hope you enjoy!

* * *

 _"Wherever the fates lead us let us follow."_ \- Virgil

* * *

\- _Clomp clomp clomp_ -

Some of the riders surrounding Sasha were making idle conversation. Talking about what they were going to eat when they got back.

She stayed silent unable to take part in discussion of her favourite hobby, nay, perhaps her sole reason for living. Instead her stomach was so knotted she felt like it was squeezing the breath from her, and it definitely threatened to release the food she had eaten this morning. The two talking about food behind her didn't help. Out here, beyond the walls, you were the food.

Tension pulsed through her shoulders into her arms, and she gripped the reins of her horse Oba to the point her fingernails dug into her palms leaving marks. If she had been able to detach her death grip, her hands would probably be shaking uncontrollably.

Sasha eyes were trained forward to scan the horizon and periodically behind and to the sides of her. It had been awhile since any flares had gone off since they had changed course. She really just wanted to be back inside the walls, even though this wasn't her first time outside of them, she knew she would be crying as she woke up from nightmares in the middle of the night tonight - that is if she made it back.

From in the distance a horse with it's rider was appearing on the horizon. It was a message being passed on from squad to squad. Most of the squads on the left flank were wiped out. The messenger was relaying information on how the titan acted so that they would benefit from the information, and have a better chance at surviving an attack by it.

This information didn't help her squad because they were fortunate enough to not run into this titan, even though they did run into others. She saw two of her squad members and her squad leader get eaten. Five horrific hours later, she was back within the safety of the walls. At town square outside of the soldier's quarters one of the squad leaders read the list of the dead and the missing-in-action. Sasha was standing with Jean and a couple of the other 104th members. Connie's name was said and she wondered where he was.

"Hey Jean, where do you think Connie is off to?"

He didn't answer at first, his jaw slack and his eyes were unblinking. He didn't look at her when he spoke next and the words like they were being forced through a tube. "Didn't you hear? They just said his name. He's... dead."

"He can't be Jean, I mean it's Connie, sure he's an idiot, but he wouldn't get himself killed." The pity in Jean's eyes when he looked at her drove a stake through her heart. Connie had been in the left flank when it was wiped out.

"Connie's...de- gone?" The familiar sensation of not being able to breath came to her and the tension returned to her shoulders. She stalked back into the barracks. She closed the door to the girl's dorm. Before she knew it she had pushed a bunk bed in front of the door, and climbed into a bottom bunk in the farthest corner of the room.

She felt - how? She didn't know. She was sad, empty, furious, but she couldn't bring herself to feel any of those intensely, it was all in the background. It was as if her ability to respond with emotion had been taken from her. She couldn't even cry. Why was it, that she could cry for herself all the time - when she joined the survey corps, during her first expedition, when she almost died, heck even over spilled milk. But she couldn't cry for Connie? She could barely feel the loss of him. Her friend, her _best_ friend.

Eventually there was pounding at the door and shouts but she didn't move.

Eventually they all went away.

Eventually a window was opened and a girl was talking at her but she soon faded into the background.

Eventually it was time for the evening meal which she skipped.

Eventually night came and everyone fell into bunks and slept. The girl who's bunk she had stolen was trying to get Sasha to move until another girl convinced her to give up.

Eventually Sasha dozed off too.

* * *

Light streamed into the room through the door. Her bed was right beside the door and she was always woken up by that instead of the wakeup call from Kim that came right after.

"Up and at 'em Titan feces. Todays the expedition. Put your gear on, eat in the dining hall if you won't throw it up later today, and then receive your assignments from your appointed squad leaders."

She had liked mornings back in her hunting village in the forest, when morning was the best time to hunt, and many times she got up before the sun rose. As a solider they woke up before dawn a lot too, but it wasn't the same. Being drilled to get your face further into the mud and work up a bigger sweat wasn't her idea of a good motivator to get up. These worthless little thoughts of home jarred her with memories of the day...before.

 _Wait wasn't the expedition yesterday_? Not to mention, she was back in her own bed, not in the bed in the corner where she had fallen asleep. Did they switch in the middle of the night?

"We're going on another expedition today?" She said aloud, speaking to no one in particular.

"Yeah we are, you Space Case. We've been prepping for about a month now." The short-haired blonde that slept in the bunk next to her rolled her eyes, and pulled the covers over her head.

"Leave Potato Girl alone Ami, no one looks forward to these." This time the voice was the girl on the top bunk, and she swung down and started pulling on the pants of her uniform.

"I guess it must have been a dream - I thought we went yesterday."

"That sucks, I guess you'll have to live through it twice, hopefully your dream was worse than it is going to be today."

Sasha walked in the dining room. Everyone was in their uniforms and buckled into their 3DMG. She spotted Connie in the crowd of uniforms and walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She didn't even know she was going to do that.

"Why are you so happy today? Have you forgotten about our suicide mission?" He asked, his eyes distant with black bags hanging underneath.

Taken aback a bit she blurted out, "I'm just glad your not dead."

"Me too." He agreed, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

She fumbled through a justification, "I, umm had a dream - well I guess a nightmare, that you had, ehm, died during the expedition."

"Wow, that's just the vote of confidence I needed today. Really brings up my spirits."

Reiner came up behind them a glass of water and a bowl of grain rations the military called breakfast, that was supposed to be porridge. "Actually Connie, this is a good thing, you should ask her how you died in the dream, then maybe you won't make the same stupid mistake in real life. Who knows? Maybe her dream is prophetic."

"I don't think so, Reiner. I don't need to be thinking about how I die, I need to keep my mind on being alive. Or I really will go crazy."

They laughed at some inside joke probably from the night before. Which felt like two nights ago for her. She wondered if she even had the strength to go on the mission today.

\- _clomp clomp clomp_ -

The gates opened and they were on their way. The squads broke up and moved into their pre-assigned placements under Commander Erwin's direction. Sasha's squad fell into the right flank, just like in her dream last night. She was just as scared too. She kept her eyes out for any signs of titans or flares. The two behind her were talking about the food they wanted to eat when they got back, just like...in the dream...

Hearing their discussion sent a jolt of electricity to her brain and put it into gear. Questions pounded against the walls of her skull. How was this happening exactly like in her dream? She pulled on Oba's reins to slow him down and asked the two who she was now beside, "why are you talking about food?"

"It's easier to distract ourselves with that than think about what might happen today."

It was their squad leader Zach's turn to slow his horse to talk to them. "As far as I am concerned staying focused on the mission is the best way to make it home from the mission. As soon as you loose focus and accidents happen. I'm sure you don't want that happening to you?"

They both nodded. Pointing to one of them Zach said, "you up front with me. And you," he looked at Sasha and then past her into the distance, "go meet the messenger. And then give me the message."

Her heart dropped and then thudded against her rib cage. This was the same time the messenger had showed up in her dream...

Connie. Was his squad wiped out like last time?

Please no, please no, please no, please no, please no, please, no. Just let it be a dream.

Riding up to the messenger she called out, "Is it the left flank? Has it been wiped out?"

The rider was too stunned to answer for a second but regaining his composure asked "how did you know?"

 _Because this already happened._ "We haven't seen any flares for a while and I wondered if there was trouble." She could couldn't handle it this time. Connie had died. For real.

Were her dreams really prophetic?

The messenger finished his spiel and rode on to meet the next squad. She moved on auto pilot from there. She repeated the message to her squad leader and they encountered titans. Like her dream, her squad leader and comrades died.

When she crossed the threshold of the gate into the city she could hardly believe she was sill alive. Why was she still alive? She stood with Jean again to hear the death toll. Connie's name was called.

Reiner tapped Sasha on the shoulder. "Your dream really was prophetic," his words were laced with bitterness and regret.

"Can people really have those kinds of dreams?" She asked.

"I was kidding earlier, I didn't actually think this could happen," he said.

Unable to say anything else she headed back to the barracks and her room. Unable to cry and unwilling to see anybody else today she skipped dinner and used the dinner rush to slip out of the barracks. She took Oba from the stables (which were filthy and needed to be cleaned), then she rode into the forest, faster, faser, until she found a clearing and tied Oba to a tree and lied down staring at the stars.

Connie had always been a good friend. They had spent a lot of time in training together. Whether it was her trying to get him to share his food with her, or goofing off during training, they were always able to make light of the situation, or maybe it was because they didn't understand the threat of the titans back then that they were still able to have a good time.

Those times wouldn't happen anymore. He was gone, any potential of moments like that happening were gone, and the potential for anything more-

She slammed her fist to the ground. She refused to have thoughts anywhere close to that now that he was gone. That was the reality of the world. The world was cruel.

Eventually she drifted off to sleep, her eyes dry.

* * *

Light streamed into the room through the door. Her bed was right beside the door and she was always woken up by that instead of the wake up call from Kim that came right after.

"Up and at 'em Titan feces."

She...was in her own bed. She fell asleep outside...

"Todays the expedition. Put your gear on, eat in the dining hall if you won't throw it up later today..."

It was the same day...again.

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

Thanks for reading! I'm hoping that this won't be too long chapter-wise, as my first published story I don't want to overwhelm myself.

Again, I would love concrit!

This story was inspired by "otp Prompts" on tumblr: post/98178857204/imagine-person-a-trapped-in-a-time-loop-forced-to


	2. Chapter 2 Different Mistakes Same Result

**Author's Notes**

Trigger Warning: This chapter has gore in it, and probably all the chapters to follow.

I got to have more fun with the story now that the premise has been set up in chapter 1.

Enjoy!

* * *

 _"The greatest glory in living lies not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall."_ \- Nelson Mandela

* * *

"...and then receive your assignments from your appointed squad leaders."

Feet hitting the floor, she arrived in the dinning room before she realized where her feet were taking her. Connie wasn't there - no one was. She raced to the boy's dorms. Many filed out into the halls already. As she passed them they called her names and told her to get out. She found Connie coming out of his room in his uniform, no doubt on his way to pick up his 3DMG equipment. Seeing him felt so simple, mundane almost. Seeing him everyday, just like during their time in the training corps for the past three years before they had reluctantly joined the survey corps. But he had died...twice.

Connie calling to her brought Sasha out of thoughts. She had stopped in her tracks in the middle of the hall with guys streaming past her.

"Sasha! Wh-what are you doing here?" He was a little more than creeped out to see Sasha glaring at him and not saying anything. Then more importantly he exclaimed, "this is the guys dorm!"

She ran towards him fists pumping in front of her "Connie! Connie, I thought you were a goner!"

Reiner came through the door, looked at Sasha, then to Connie and then back to Sasha. "What are you talking about Sasha?" He asked slapping her on the shoulder, then shaking his head more for Connie's sake then hers. "Nevermind. See, Connie? I told you, she's unpredictable." Reiner laughed and starting stretching the arm that was bitten by a titan back at Castle Utgard. "I'm going to go sign out my gear. See you in the dining hall," he said waving behind him as he walked through the doors that lead outside the building.

Connie placed a hand on his waist and jerked his head at Sasha's clothes. "You're still in your pajamas. What are you even here for, Sasha? Can you please leave the boys dorm and go get suited up for today's expedition?"

"See, that's why I'm here. Today's already happened, or I've already lived it, or it's repeating itself...I'm not quite sure myself, but you die, both times. You get eaten." She was scrambling for words, her hands waving in front of her and her eyes rolling up to stare at the ceiling, while she tried to sort out her thoughts.

"That's not funny Potato Girl. Is this a joke or are you trying to scare me? You're rambling anyways." He was dismissing what she said. "Just go get changed." He moved past her leaving Sasha in the hall, boys still snickering and making comments.

After getting into uniform and equipment she sat down beside Connie in the dinning hall, desperate to get him to hear her out.

"Please Connie, listen to me. You can't go-"

"Stop!" His patience had worn thin and he was yelling at her now. "There's nothing to listen to! You're not making sense, and you're freaking me out. That's not what I need! Can you please back off?"

Reiner placed a hand on Connie's shoulder, "You don't need to yell at her. She's irrational and loud, but come'on it's Sasha were talking about."

Pushing the bench back she accidentally knocked it over. She stepped over it in a hurry to get out of the dining hall.

Connie was mad. What was she thinking? Of course Connie reacted like that. How was he supposed respond? If someone had said those things to her about dying, she would have freaked out too. Still, Connie was in danger of dying for a third time today if she didn't do something about it.

Rounding the corner of the dinning hall building Sasha ran into Connie's squad leader, Tyra, knocking off her glasses. Apologizing Sasha picked them off the ground and rushed to place them back onto Tyra's face. When the squad leader grunted and fixed her glasses without as much as a glance at her, Sasha had an idea. Slamming her fist to her chest she announced her request:

"I want join your squad."

Finally lifting her eyes, Tyra realized who it was, and looked back down at her clipboard as she responded to Sasha with her own question, "and what's wrong with yours?"

"Nothing, Sir. I just want to be on this one."

"I refuse, you already have your squad."

"Please, this is very important to me."

Tyra was bewildered, "and it's important to me that all members of the survey corps follow direction without fail and without complaint. My answer is 'no'. Now leave and go meet up with your own squad."

When the survey corps were were lining up outside the gate Sasha rode up to Connie, much to her squad leader Zach's and Tyra's frustration.

"Sorry for earlier. I've been freaked out lately." She retreated to the nightmare explanation she had unwittingly used the day before, "I had a really rough sleep last night with nightmares."

Connie's facial features became softer and more compassionate. He was no stranger to nightmare wracked nights. Remembering some bad nights himself, he restlessly smoothed out the papers he was holding. He remembered one night in particular when there was a round of bad dreams going around, so all the guys had stayed up most of the night together talking.

"Don't worry I get them to." He forced a smile for her, but his eyes always gave away his fear. "Besides, I'm not just going to walk into a Titan's mouth. I'll cut them to pieces if they try." Connie said mustering fake bravado.

"Yeah" she said stalely. "You'll be careful? Don't expect that every titan will act the way we expect, in fact..." She recited the information about the titan that had wiped out the left flank the previous two times she had relived this day. Maybe it would give him an edge.

"What, how do you-"

She cut him off. "I've overheard some squad leaders talking." Without waiting for his reaction she rode back to her squad. The papers Connie had been holding were formation sheets and it had been marked with where his squad would be. She had gotten a good look at it and now she could go meet them during the expedition.

Flares filled with sky with smoke and the the survey corps formation changed direction. With this last bunch of flares she was pretty sure this was the last time she would see a flare before the messenger came to deliver the news about the left squad - if she was remembering properly.

Sasha slowed her horse so that she was behind her squad and then broke off from them. She heard shouting behind her, and then the gallop of a horse behind her. She took off at full speed hoping that her pursuer would give up, and that she would outrun them. Finally after a couple minutes she turned her head to see Zach returning to the squad that had continued forward without him. She continued towards where Connie's squad would be.

Eventually in the distance she saw Titans.

Fight or flight instinct hit her and she pulled up on the reins of Oba to stop. Was she really going to run right into a group of titans? She could be eaten! That's where Connie was though.

Tears streamed down her cheeks, as she was frozen in place from pure terror of the titans yet again. Then remembering the sting of hearing Connie's name being called from the list of the dead as she found herself galloping towards the titans. She had to fight, Connie had to make it back today! That's why she was here!

Reaching the fight squad members were flying through the air attacking the titans that chased them. One person was caught in midair by a titan and another titan grabbed at the person's body as well.

Titans pulled at his limbs. Connie's scream barely registered with her as she watched on in unblinking horror as one of the titans pulled his leg from his body and chomped down on it. Another fitted its toothless gums around his head crushing his skull. She released the wires of her 3DMG and flew up, her duel swords slicing the nape of this monster's neck. A couple other soldiers took down the other titans. They were shouting questions at her, but she didn't hear them. She landed on the ground next to where Connie's body had been dropped after she had killed the titan that had had him in its grasp. His limp body was deformed and blood was pooling around him and in the area where half his face was crushed. The mangled mess before her could barely be called human anymore. Her breathes came in ragged heaves and she was unsure whether she was going to scream or vomit. She managed to do both.

He died he died he died he died he died he died he died he died he died he died

One of the soldiers had managed to pull her to her feet, and was guiding Sasha by her shoulders and telling her to call her horse.

Did she have to relive the pain of losing him and live through this terror again tomorrow?

* * *

The Dinning Hall was loud with soldiers talking and eating breakfast. Sasha had sat at a table away from the 104th members she had graduated with. Connie, Reiner, Bertolt, and Jean were making bets about who could kill the most titans today. Trying to keep themselves in high spirits in the presence of the horrors that inevitably lay before them. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin were not with them, which seemed to be the norm lately. Eren was probably withstanding titan experiments and Mikasa and Armin were with him for support.

It had been her hesitation the day before that got Connie killed. She had watched firsthand the way the titans pulled him apart as if he were nothing more than ...a piece of meat. Memories of times when she had ripped limps off of her kills back in the forest when preparing the meat for winter storage invaded her mind. The food she was chewing fell out and she sucked in a tiny breath. She couldn't let herself hesitate today.

A hand rested on her shoulder. "Are you feeling alright? You look like your going to be sick." It was Connie. At his unexpected touch she shrugged his hand off.

"I already have been." She muttered and stood up leaving her food unfinished. She walked away.

"Be careful today okay?" He called out to her back.

That was her line. She gritted her teeth, couldn't she at least do that right?

"You too," she said inaudibly before stalking off.

She ditched her squad before the last flare and arrived at Connie's squad sooner, but they were already fighting the same group of titans. She didn't hesitate and jumped into the fight. She immediately went for the titan that had crushed Connie's head the day before.

"Sasha! Where did you come from!?" Connie yelled, seeing her zip past him. That brief distraction midair caused him to not see another titan's reaching hand and swiping him out of the air. Connie was in its grasp, but her course was already set to meet the neck of other titan. She killed it and turned to fight the other titan that had grabbed Connie, but she was too late. Everything had happened so fast.

Two titans pulled at his body. Ripping it in half, both titans shoved their half of him into their mouths.

Dead again. She screamed.

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

Thanks for reading!

Again, concrit is more than welcomed and is very much appreciated!

Cheers!


	3. Chapter 3 Eye Water

**Author's Notes**

I'm participating in July Camp Nanowrimo, so this chapter is double the length of the previous ones!

This chapter is a little more gruesome and gory so please keep that in mind.

* * *

 _"We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival."_ \- Sir Winston Churchill

* * *

In the middle of the battle field she was unable to rip her gaze away from the sight set before her. Again death had a way of intervening within her plans and claiming Connie. His body hung from the mouth of a large dopey-looking titan, his neck already snapped. A scarlet stream leaked from where the drooling titan was sinking it's ravenous teeth into his lower intestines and gnawing on her best friend in slow movements. The humanoid monster was eyeing Sasha as an eerie silence settled over them as they watched each other.

Her sweat cooled her face and her lungs stopped asking for air. Her knees were locked, her spine stiff. A slight wind rolled across the ground kicking dust onto her boots and tugging loose strands of her dark brown hair from her ponytail. It felt as if nothing would be able to move her from that spot, but at the same time, she felt that if someone were to touch her, she would crumble into dust.

The girl in this scene had been stuck in this recurring hallucination that was her personal reality for over a week now. It was getting hard to count having no way to keep track of the passing days aside from her own memory, days bled into each other and weaved their way into her nightmares at night. Isolating one day from another was beginning to feel like a futile task to her, and she wondered why she even bothered, keeping track only depressed her as she still had no idea how to save Connie and how long the day would continue to reset.

The scene on the battlefield wore on for ages it seemed, but eventually finally feeling returned to her limbs. The girl brought her thumb and middle finger to her mouth to whistle for her horse. It trotted back to her and she swung herself onto it's back and left the scene behind. In the chaos no one would notice and even after they might think seeing her was an illusion.

She met up with her own squad, and like every time this scenario had played out she was chewed out by her squad leader Zach. She made up some lie about how this was part of Commander Erwin's plan and not everyone was informed of the details. She knew this would tide over his anger until they returned to the barracks. However, after they returned she would be pulled out of dinner and yelled at again because by that time Zach would have figured out her bluff. But she was unwilling to go through it again today.

Back at the encampment Sasha rested for a while and planned to sneak out right before dinner started and spend the night in the forest that was located near the back of the soldiers' barracks.

An air of defeat hung over the weary soldiers as they filed into the dining hall for dinner. Concealed by the crowds moving through the camp grounds Sasha headed to grab her horse Oba. Approaching the stables she heard a string of cusses and a lot of grunting. Peeking her head through the door Sasha saw that Connie's squad leader Tyra was mucking out the stalls. She was shovelling horse waste and yelling about how foul it smelled and "didn't the army have new recruits they could give these chores to?" She was "a veteran with 5 kills and 21 assists after all!" Tyra stopped to wipe sticky bangs from her eyes and continued to grumble about how she "shouldn't be shouldered with back-breaking work like this". That gave Sasha an idea.

* * *

The next day she Sasha accidentally-on-purpose ran into the squad leader and asked to join her squad.

"No." Trya responded.

"I will pick up your chores until I'm assigned to another squad."

Her face brightened. "I have to muck horse stalls tonight. Will you do that for me? Cover the times I have to do that chore for the next three months regardless of the squad your on."

"I will, as long as I am still stationed at this location."

Tyra folded her arms and tapped her chin, talking to herself as if Sasha wasn't there "well this is an awfully tempting offer. Oh whatever," she shrugged, "might as well. It's not like Zach'll be that upset to lose you. You can be hard to direct." She looked at Sasha, "you know that right?" Tyra placed her hands on her hips and leaned close to Sasha's face giving her a warning look, Sasha in response straightened her posture. "You better listen to me though, I'm doing this out of the kindness of my heart." Tyra laughed despite herself.

"Yes, Sir!" Sasha slammed her arms into the military's salute. "Will do."

Tyra cocked her head, peering into the tall girl's face as if trying to gage something. "Why are you doing this? Is it because of that by Connie kid? I knew you were friends, but are you actually a _couple_?"

Sasha flinched at last word and she hoped the squad leader didn't catch the way her eyes winced and fists clench. His red, red blood glimmered in her mind's eye and her ear drums recalled his hollow shrieks as the life was leeched from him. All because she wasn't strong enough to save him.

"Squad Leader Tyra, I have a bad feeling something bad will happen to him today and I want to see if I can do anything to stop it."

"Very well. I guess it doesn't matter as long as you hold up your end of the bargain. Just come meet our squad before we leave for the gates." She said nearly skipping as she walked away, thrilled to have been able to give away the nasty chore.

A bit later Sasha met up with her new squad with Oba in tow behind her. She wasn't the last one there and felt relieved, not wanting to be late and screw things up with the squad leader.

Connie stood among some people she didn't know. As she approached him, he glanced up from stroking his horse's nose. "Oh hey Sasha, Squad Leader Tyra told us that you'd be joining us, what gives!?" He asked half-jokingly and clapped her on the back. Unprepared for his well-intended gesture, the force knocked her forward and she lost her balance and had to take a step to steady herself. Sasha found herself partially shocked that his hand made impact at all, realizing a part of her had expected his hand to go straight through her much like a ghost's would...a few goosebumps prickled up her arm towards her neck. She shook the thoughts from her brain and shivered as if a chill had run through her. She then straightened her posture and took a couple steps to make it look as if she was only recovering from almost being knocked over. However, a person with a mind a bit sharper than Connie's would have noticed that she now stood a couple steps just outside of his reach.

She still hadn't answered his question, but couldn't shake the feeling of anguish that wrapped suffocating arms around her. She didn't even want to talk to him at the moment. Instead, Sasha mounted her horse and fought the urge to ride away and clear her head for a couple minutes. She turned in the direction of the forest, her safe haven, a place of solitude and peace. She couldn't see it past the buildings that stood in front of it but she could feel it's pull. Without knowing she had strayed a couple meters away from the group.

There was the sound of hooves shuffling in the dirt, as someone came up to her. A friendly head rested on her shoulder. As he spoke, she could feel his chin slightly dig into her shoulder.

"Hey are you feeling alright? You look like you ate some spoiled food or something. Should I be filing a complaint with someone?" Connie knew something was bothering her and was attempting to make her feel better, but her gaze and mind fixated on his head resting on her shoulder still. The flesh eroded from his face, the muscles disintegrated, and the tendons snapped and withered, leaving behind only an ivory white skeleton head. Sasha's teeth grinded together as she shuddered and twisted her neck away from him, hunching her shoulders as flashbacks crossed her mind. The movement knocked his head away.

Connie leaned back and sat straight on his horse again. Returning to the present moment she saw how skin still covered his skull and how he was still able to form his facial muscles into a scowl.

She felt terrible for the way she was handling the situation. "Connie..." she began, her eyes jumping from him to her horse, to the ground, to the sky, all the while avoiding his eyes. Struggling to find words she ended up staying silent.

"You know what Sasha?" He said, cutting through the silence that hung in the air, "I don't know what's up with you, but you've been avoiding me all day. In the dining hall you wouldn't sit or even talk to us, and then in the stables when we were prepping the horses." He jabbed fingers into the air counting. "Even now you're giving me the cold shoulder. Then you join this squad out of nowhere and when I tried to find out what was wrong," he let out a frustrated grumble, giving up, "but if you're going to be like this, then just," he flicked the reins of his horse, "come talk to be when you actually feel like talking with a friend".

He rode away. She was left standing alone.

Alone.

No matter what she did, she always managed to lose him, but this time it stung in a different way.

 _\- Clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp -_

They were beyond the walls, once again riding towards the battle that would take Connie away from her. She hadn't been able to bring herself to speak to him again and hadn't really spoken at all expect when affirming she understood Tyra instructions before departing.

Sasha stole glances at Connie every so often during the ride, fear was cracking the mask of confidence he was trying to wear. Once Sasha caught him watching her, but as soon as she glanced at him he looked away scratching his cheek.

Her head was lost in all these thoughts and it almost caught her by surprise when the titans started chasing them. She jumped off her horse to dodge the titan that swiped at her. Sasha got away but her horse was hit and knocked onto it's back, snapping its neck. She cringed at Oba's death then attached her 3DMG to a stubby looking titan's side. But it wasn't high enough and her body was dragged against the ground tearing away patches of her clothes and scraping into her flesh leaving raw bloodied wounds. Sasha released he hookshots and rolled to a stop but the wires wrapped around her body, pinning one arm behind her back.

Pure, unadulterated terror filled her, the stubby titan sprinted towards her. She wasn't sure if she screamed or not. Next thing she knew Connie and another squad member attacked and killed the titan in a lethal combo of blades and spins. Connie landed beside her and tried to untangle her. The squad member that he had been fighting with was yelling at Connie to cut the wires, but then he was caught midair and a titan stuffed him into his mouth. Connie yelped like a dog being kicked and sliced the wires trapping Sasha. Then upon the realization that without a horse or properly working gear she was as safe as food being served on a silver platter, Connie took up a protective stance placing himself between Sasha and the titan that was feasting on their fallen comrade.

"I'll protect you" he shouted. Something like longing and desire filled her and melted her fear for a brief second, but panic smashed that feeling.

The titan loomed over the two 104th recruits, and Sasha recognized it as the one that most often ate Connie, instinctively she reached out for Connie's arm to stop him, but it was his turn to shrug her off. He fired his wires and climbed up the side of the titan towards it's weak spot. As if it were drunk the titan swatted at Connie as he climbed up, but wasn't able to control it swings very well and missed by a mere couple feet every time. Just as she thought he'd make it to the neck, the titan missed again but the force knocked him off. His 3DMG broken Connie fell to the ground with a thud.

In a frenzy Sasha charged for the titan, and unable to maneuver into the air she stabbed the monster's feet causing it to stumble allowing someone else to slice a chunk of meat of its nape. With the titan defeated and it's carcass smoking, she rushed over to Connie.

He was bleeding so much she couldn't tell where the wounds were. Sasha kneeled on the ground lifting his shoulders into her lap, "Connie, Con-nie..." she sobbed. "I'm so so so very sorry. I'm so sorry." She hung her head, tears streaming down her cheek. She had failed again. She let him die and it was because she had spaced out and he had been trying to save her... it was all her fault.

Connie mumbled something but she couldn't make it out. "What was that? Pardon?" She stroked his cheeks as her tears fell on them.

He didn't speak again, instead he blinked and his eyelids never lifted again.

He was dead.

She stayed like that tears streaming down her cheek, craving streaks into the caked on dirt on her face. In the background she could hear Tyra and the remainder of the squad clashing blades against titan forces. Connie's body was warm as if he was only napping, and she continued to stroke his face, rubbing away her tears that were landing there. Someone eventually pulled her away from her and called her a horse from a fallen soldier.

As they lead her to the horse she kept rubbing her hands together as if ringing a towel of water. Copper. Blood, his blood was on her skin. Crimson. Still warm and sticky. Scarlet. No matter how much she rubbed it was still on her hands. Red. Red. Red.

* * *

Cold skin. Snapped bones. Silent breath. Blood loss. Closed eyes. Broken spine.

Crushed underfoot, thrown into the air and falling to the ground, eaten whole, eaten piece by piece, thrown and landing meters away the impact killing him, wounds that wouldn't stop bleeding...every time she thought she had seen all the distorted ways in which a person could die but titans were still able to show her new ways.

No matter what course of action she took, whatever plan she comprised, or guileless heat-of-the-moment response, every single day Connie never made it to the end. She tried warning him of the titans that they would encounter ahead of time. She also tried stopping him from getting involved with the fight, but he never listened. She tried tricking him, directing him towards the weaker titans, and even going after the same ones he did. She tried endless combinations of these and other methods, but fate or death or whatever it should be called was always a step ahead of her. Finally she resolved to always make sure to stay by his side. As if she was tied to his hip. Part of her decision to do so was a result of the day he had gotten angry at her for ignoring and not talking to him. So now she spent most of her time with him, her mind always thinking of ways to save him.

One time, in an act of desperation, she tried locking him in the cleaning closet before they left of the expedition, but someone heard him pounding on the door and let him out. That was a bad day as well. He had been especially furious at her and had ended up dying in one of the worst ways - alive for most of the time a titan chewed on his body, and was in tears as screams tore from his throat. Therefore, she remained always by his side.

In the mornings it became a routine to bribe Tyra into letting her join the squad. Throughout the day Sasha would dodge certain questions and learned what kind of lies would work on people, and could recite familiar explanations and excuses (whether they were true or not) without so much as a blink of an eye. Most people only wanted to hear what they wanted to hear so she fed them that.

Reliving this day so many times, she felt very in tune with Connie. She knew what order he did everything in the morning and where he would be at any given moment. When he grabbed his 3DMG or when he walked to the dining hall.

Today was no different as she readied her horse and met up with the squad before the gate opened and they started their expedition. In the time before the expedition started she liked to mess around with Connie. A classic pass time was to contort her body into weird position and then he would try to outdo her with a harder and weirder position. They had been doing since the days at the training academy.

She was doing one of these poses now. Balancing on one foot she leaned forward with one arm bent in front of her as if holding something heavy. Connie was grabbing his stomach laughing and she was smiling.

Laughing and smiling...it helped ease the torture she went through day by day. Every time it filled her with a faint hope that maybe today would be the day for things to end the way they should and Connie survive.

Connie was just about to challenge her with his own pose when their Squad Leader came up to them. "Springer! Blouse!" They immediately fell into a salute. Tyra came up and whacked them both on the head. "Quit that!" She focused her glare on Sasha. "I didn't allow you to join my team to fool around. Remember our agreement Blouse, behave."

"Sir. Yes, sir!" She replied.

"Good. Now finish getting ready we ride in 10 minutes or at Commander Erwin's call. Be ready." She left and Sasha and Connie laughed again, but dread began to build into her, hardening her joints and making her hands shake. The coming horrors were about to start their act and she was about to step onto stage and face them.

Soon enough they were beyond the safety of the walls. Time passed faster every day she repeated it, and in what felt like no time at all, they ran into the group of titans.

Connie and Sasha launched into the air together, attacking the titan. It was like a fluid and daring dance. He would slash the eyes, she would cut the nape. He would swing to the right, she would swing to the left. She was able to match his moves from all her experience fighting beside him on this day over and over. She understood how he moved. How he leaned more on his left foot when maneuvering the 3DMG but still favourited his right side. He would also bring his elbow in front of his face, his arm and sword in hand trailing behind him as he gained momentum before he swung.

They bounded off the titan they just defeated and soared into the sky, weapons poised, their bodies becoming one with the swords.

Halted.

In midair her flight was halted. Her wires were jolted as a titan towered over them and held her wires in its grubby hands and flung her as if trying to throw a sack of potatoes. Once again she was flying, but this time pain screamed at her joints and she thought her limbs might be ripped from her body and she tumbled to the ground, landing on her back. The crunch of bones resonated through her body, echoing in her ears.

She opened her eyes. The blue, sapphire sky greeted her. A couple birds flew overhead, and no clouds littered the sky. Smoke rose a distance away from her. Everything hurt, but nothing hurt as much as she thought it would. As Sasha pushed herself up, pain seared through her shoulder awakening all the other wounds on her body. Her breath was taken away with the assault on her pain sensors. She pressed a hand against the wound, and felt her skin was ragged and hot to the touch. When she pulled her hand away it was covered in blood. Her shoulder was definitely broken. Her clothes were ripped and torn. Tiny stones were embedded in her skin where scrapes and bruises were not. Hot tears stung the back of her eyes. She couldn't hold herself up anymore and fell back to the ground pain again screaming through her shoulder.

Was this...it? Was this truly how things were going to..?

Boot heels were pounding into the earth. Her name. Heavy breathing. Someone was running towards her?

A figure was beside her know, knees pushed into her side and fingers traced along her torso. She wanted to swat them away, didn't they know how much that hurt? A hand cupped her head and lifted it. A curse slipped through her lips, or was it only a grunt? The sun was incredibly blinding. Where were the birds? Her head was in someone's lap. The figure's head blocked out the sun so their face was cast in shadow, but soon her eyes adjusted.

"...Con..nie" her lungs were racked with a coughing fit, ejecting some redden flem and it dripped down her mouth. He wiped it away with his sleeve. His mouth was opening and closing, his lips and tongue flapping as if trying to form words. With her good hand she reached up to rub her ear. She was trying to concentrate on what he was saying.

"Can you hear me? Oh, I don't know what to do! Sasha it will okay. Okay...yeah everything will be fine. You'll be okay. Okay..." But her wounds were so much more than that...his shoulders slumped and he was ripping a strip from his green cloak to tie around her shoulder.

Connie was so distraught and frantic. Panic trembled in his voice. Didn't he know how many times he had died when she was unable to save him... Wasn't it about time she died for him?

She lifted her hand again and touched his face, cradling his cheek. His skin was soft and wet...wait, that wasn't right...Sasha wanted to see him laugh, to smile. Like the times during training or at meals.

Connie paused at the touch and looked Sasha the eyes. He placed his own hand over hers, then the other, giant tears gliding down his face and dripping onto her's.

 _Smile..._

She pulled him down, a movement which took all her remaining strength.

Their noses knocked together, but he adjusted his head and gave her a soft kiss. The saltiness could be tasted on both their lips. Her lips trembled against his. Connie entwined his fingers in her wind-whipped hair.

"Please smile for me," she breathed, unsure if he would able to distinguish that from her ragged breathing. He pushed himself up, his hands straddling the ground by the sides of her head.

Her strength was sweeping out of her and she knew she was drawing her final breaths. The angle of Connie's mouth transformed into a smile she knew wasn't genuine but was all the same for her. She could hear fighting going on in the background around them but it felt far away...very far away from her...

The sky opened up to her again, the blueness reaching and blinding her eyes. Connie was lifted into the sky, a gargantuan had clutching his body - his smile instantly gone his features instead contorted into one of fear and disbelief.

She screamed his name, adrenaline apparently still able to pump through her body one last time, and pushed herself up her hand pointless reaching out to him, but all at once her strength left her and she fell back, her head hitting the ground making everything spin.

Connie was deposited into the gargantua titan's mouth. Gone from her spiraling view of the world.

Even now, even though, he still...and she...

Her heart ceased and her lungs stilled.

Sasha died.

* * *

Sun glinted through the window. She turned her head at the sound of someone approaching the girl's quarters of the barracks.

She was awake...

The day had reset.

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

Finally some cute moments between Sasha and Connie, albeit very sad!

Days are jumping ahead quickly now. By the end of this chapter she has lived about a month's worth of this same repeated day.

I'm pretty proud of this chapter! Even so, I still welcome any form of concrit or comments!


	4. Chapter 4 Invisible Scars

**Author's Notes**

Sorry about not updating for awhile! But I'm glad I got a break, bc when I came back to this fic I was able to read it with fresh eyes & I now have a better idea of what direction I'm taking this in.

I've added a quote to the top of each chapter so check them out :)

And without further ado..let's get to it!

* * *

 _"We should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hopes."_ \- John F. Kennedy

* * *

The thin wool blanket's stray fibers scratched her exposed arms and legs where her sleeping wear didn't quite reach. It shouldn't have even registered with her as it was a sensation so familiar that it faded into the background of everyday life, except that mere moments ago she had been laying on the cold hard ground, her lungs sucking in their last bit of the battle-tainted air...while Connie was being devoured by a titan.

After dying, and then in essence coming back to life, the day reset the same it did every time. She woke up staring in the direction of the door, the sunlight streaming in. Only a few moments' walk away was Connie: alive and breathing ignorant to the fact that he would be dead in only a couple short hours.

Sasha felt all the repeated days interlaced into every fiber of her being. The way the hairs on her arm stood on end or her shoulders were hunched slightly forward. If death was a knife, it had carved invisible scars on her body.

She now knew what it had felt like to die, to actually not make it to the end of the day: the will to live no longer a concern as blood poured from fatal wounds; the dirt and rocks embedded into her skin leaving wounds fresh and exposed; splintered bones poking through her skin; her voice raspy as words fought for the air her lungs so desperately demanded; the way her head spun and neither her vision or thoughts able to focus, but standing out against the fuzziness was Connie. Coming to her. Crouching beside her. Cradling her head. Crying over her, no, _for her_. The way his lips felt on hers, the torment of watching him being ripped away and being devoured by another titan, unable even in her dying moments to escape the horror of witnessing her friend meeting another cruel end.

Sasha Blouse shoot up, a movement that had been near impossible for her only the day before. Yet, all traces that she had ever been that gravely injured had vanished. Rather, it had never happened in the first place. Nothing carried over from the previous cycle of the day, aside from her memories and conscious. She knew this...bruises were never on her the next day, or any kind of injury for that matter.

But she had _died,_ how did she come back from that?

Well, Connie came back. And other soldiers that died, like Squad Leader Zach, were alive by the time the day repeated. So _why_ shouldn't she be alive when the day reset was the absurd question she should be asking in this demented reality.

The door slammed open, and Sasha turned her head towards the sound of boots scuffing against the dirty floors of the barracks. Kim entered, performing the wake up call. Her voice was ringing out, making sure to pierce through any sleeping dreams people may have had, beckoning them to start the day in her ever-so-condescending military way.

Couldn't she give them a break? Didn't she know that people were going to die today? They always did. Titans sheer existence mocked all of humanity's efforts to live in this world.

Kim was reciting her usual speech and noticed that Sasha wasn't paying attention so she singled her out. Sasha was hanging her head, lost in thought, when Kim was at her side, her hand ripping Sasha's head back to look her straight in the face. Kim made some comment about respect, but it was useless garble, incoherent words and she didn't bother trying to make them out. Kim paused. She had probably asked a question and was waiting for an answer, and when Sasha remained silent Kim yelled in her face "Blouse, answer me!" but she might as well just have slapped Sasha across the face, it was all the same to her, as if yelling would refocus Sasha's thoughts and make her concentrate.

Instead, Sasha's thoughts couldn't have become more scattered. She couldn't take it anymore she was going to explode and imagined her body flung about the room, parts of her stuck to the walls, severed fingers landing in someone's hair, an eyeball rolling across the room and coming to a slow stop. All just for Sasha to wake up in bed again, the day reset with Kim rattling off the same meaningless speech.

"Would you screw off!" Sasha yelled, spit landing on Kim's face, which she didn't wipe off. "We're going to die today anyway, so just leave me alone. Leave EVERYONE alone. I'm sick of this." And before anything else could be said between them, Sasha ripped her head from the Kim's grasp and stomped towards the door, turning around briefly to retrieve her uniform and left the room. Leaving the door ajar, not allowing anyone the closure of a slamming door to mark the end of her outburst.

First to leave the room she entered the hall and passed a few early risers who were either high ranking soldiers or foot soldiers who wore their restless night on their faces. She signed out her gear and trudged to the dining hall, the only one in the room. She sat down with her rations for the morning meal.

Part-way through eating Connie came up behind her, and patted her on the back "Hey Sasha, are-"

At the sound of his voice and touch sent her mind spiraling into the dark recesses of her memory that replayed for her all of his gruesome deaths, never allowing her to forget, his presence always reminding her of what she couldn't prevent. This was the first time she had seen him since the day before when she had been the one dying and Connie was the one crying over her, but none of it, of course, he would remember.

Then the reality of everything set in and it felt like rocks tumbled onto her. 1) Her outburst back in the girls' quarters with Kim. 2) Dying in the previous time loop, and now knowing that not even dying could break it and she might be stuck in it forever. 3) She was alone in this, no one would remember anything. And a thousand other reasons that all piled on top of her. Then, the memory of her kiss with Connie wormed its way into her mind, making a mess of her mentality adding another layer of confusion, hurt, and pain. Unable to hold back, Sasha started crying right there, the tears pouring forth from behind her eyes.

She ran from the dining hall only making it a couple steps outside before collapsing on the ground with her back propped against the wall and her head nestled in her arms.

People streaming into the dining hall looked at her with pity, some with sympathy, assuming she was upset about the expedition, unknowing to why _she_ really cried. All the same, they were reminded of what was at stake and went inside the hall, their hearts a little heavier.

Calling her same, Connie ran out of the dining hall shoving people as he scanned for her. Someone pointed him in her direction, approaching her he crouched down beside her.

He said something but she wasn't paying attention, so she could only shake her head, her tears filling her throat as utter despair overtook her heart, making her body shake.

She felt him plop down on the ground, sitting beside her.

 _I don't want you to die._ She thought as Connie sat beside her not saying anything. She was in tears, and for the first time she realized, they weren't selfish, she was finally crying for someone else. _She was crying for Connie._ This revelation made her sob harder, causing her chest to ache from the way her body convulsed. Connie wrapped arms around her, a gently placed her head on his shoulder. Looking up at him, through blurry vision, she saw that his checks were a rosy pink. This calmed her while also stirring awful memories all at once. She wanted to push away to not let the ghost touch her - even his warmth was not proof he was alive. He had still been warm moments after he had died. Losing control of herself, she soon gave in and cried and sobbed in his embrace. Allowing his arms surrounding her to bring her some sort of temporary peace.

Having cried her heart out, she felt nothing but the tears. Her emotions were being washed out of her system, every sob relieved her of a little bit of the weight she was carrying.

She didn't want to watch the titans kill him again and dug her nails into her palm to divert some of her attention. "Please don't die." She cried out at him, p _lease please please_ , she repeated in her head.

"Please," he laughed but there was fear in it as his voice grew quieter. "You're scaring me..." He placed his hand over her balled fist, "please stop crying..." Then he saw blood trickling down her palm. "Sasha, you're -" he pried open her hand and examined it, holding it in his own. She watched him as he untucked his shirt and rubbed the blood away, pressing against the imprint her nails made. After it clotted, he draped an arm around her shoulders still holding her one hand to prevent her from harming it again. He ran his other hand up and down her forearm (kind of roughly) a few times and then waited until she calmed down, feeling like a long time to her.

"Connie..." she managed. "I had a nightmare" she said falling back on the recited explanation, "you died, and I can't shake the feeling that something bad will happen today."

"Sasha..." he said, still holding her hand. "I've been wanting to tell you something for a while, and I was holding back because of our, well I guess, _career choice_ , would be one way to put it, but we never no how long we have and it's just that I-"

"Squad leader Tyra!" Sasha scrambled to her feet and saluted and Connie fell into line beside her.

"Connie," she nodded at him. "Blouse," she nodded to Sasha.

"Squad leader," Sasha started on another of her recited speeches, "I request to join your squad. I heard your squad is one member short and I know that I'm known for not being suitable for organized activity but I will submit to your authority, Sir."

"Why?"

"I have this gut feeling that I should be on this squad, and back in my hunting village we were taught to follow our gut instinct so that we could do whatever we did with conviction and confidence."

"I don't think so."

Connie cut in, "Squad Leader Tyra, I second the request and offer a deal. If you allow Sasha to join, then I will cover your horse stable duties for a month."

"I hate those." She pondered for a minute, her fingers drumming her cheek, "I think that can be arranged. Make it two months and you've got yourself a deal."

"Yes Sir." Connie shook Tyra's hand.

Tyra clicked her tongue. "You want to be with your girlfriend that bad, huh?" Not waiting for an answer she walked away scribbling on her clipboard. Sasha didn't notice that Connie's cheeks went pink.

Sasha talked out loud to herself, "only two months? I always get stuck with three."

"What?"

"Ahhh, you know, when I make deals with others from when I was umm back in the village, yeah. But why did you do that?"

"I want to show you, you have nothing to worry about. I haven't died yet, and there's a reason I made Top 10 in training." He said, pointing a thumb at his chest. "Besides I figured you'd go and do something stupid and ditch your squad to join mine during the mission."

Sasha offered him a genuine smile in gratitude. She was so grateful for such an amazing friend even if that kiss bounced around in the back of her brain, mocking her for what Connie couldn't remember.

The day played itself out, just like it always did. Connie died. Just like he always did.

* * *

Day after day Sasha dragged herself out of bed, into her uniform, onto a horse, and into battle against titans. No matter what course of action she took, no matter what she said, no matter what sacrifices she gave, Connie always died. Everyday she relived it, everyday she experienced Connie die all over again. And there's nothing she can do. Day after day it repeats the same events, the same pain, and yet she never goes numb. Though her mind goes numb, her heart can't. It was like a wound never allowed to heal because it was constantly reopened leaving the pain fresh.

live - die - repeat

With nothing else to live for, she went through each day with only one thing keeping her going. To save Connie. To have his smile live a little longer, to see his laugh at the end of the day, and to avoid the screams of pain that tear from his throat as he is eaten half alive.

* * *

Using the titan she just took down as a launching pad, Sasha maneuvered through the air towards the titan Connie was fighting.

"Sasha! Nice kill! When did you get that good?"

"Concentrate Connie!" She called back, cutting off the fingers of a titan making a swipe for him.

"Woah!" He staggered in the air, and slashed at the titan's eyes, and Sasha went in for her second kill of the day, but there were still titans all around them.

"But seriously Sash, you've got to show me your moves sometime." He said coming to a stop on the ground, too far away from anything elevated.

"We can do whatever you want, if you make it back today. And get off the ground, being down there makes you a sitting duck-"

A titan running towards them trampled Connie, and just like that he was dead. No dramatic scene. No scream, no begging, no crying. The sky stayed the same, there was no rain, and in the heat of battle no one seemed to notice.

Sasha landed on the ground near his corpse and pulled a sword out and held it to her neck.

 _No hesitation_ , she thought.

"Sasha stop!" She ignored the voice of someone on the squad.

"Why are you doing this?"

Leaning her head in the direction of the voice, she knew her face must have looked half crazed, other half driven to desperation. She spoke in a smooth tone and answered in collected voice, "what's the point of living the rest of the day without him?" Pain overwhelmed her brain as her lungs gasped for air and the world went black.

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

Thanks for reading. I'll hopefully update the next chapter soon.


	5. Chapter 5 Tragically Alive

**Author's Notes**

So this chapter is at least 1k longer then any of the other chapters. I had the first half done and sitting in a folder waiting to be uploaded here for a couple weeks, but I didn't think this was a segment of the story that should be split up. So finally, here's the full thing!

* * *

 _"We are unusual and tragic and alive." ~ Dave Eggers_

 _"One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside." ~ John Lennon_

* * *

Grey light filtered into the room and the sounds of the barracks stirring could be heard. Soldiers moving around outside, horses being fed, and reports being relayed. The smells of the kitchen wafted in through the bottom of the window they could never fully shut. Nervous energy invaded the room by way of squeaking mattresses and uneven snoring as dread filled their sleeping thoughts.

Connie Springer's gaze flickered over to the man sleeping on the bed across from his. Bertolt slept in such amazingly odd positions, they sometimes used them to predict the weather. Unfortunately today was not especially impressive. Bertolt was sleeping diagonally across the bed with his head hanging off one side and his feet the other. What value had they assigned that sleeping position again? Did laying diagonally mean that it was going to be a clear day? But then his feet hanging off meant that it was going to storm. Maybe they needed to work out the kinks a little more. Shaking his head his thoughts returned to the day that loomed before him: the mission outside the walls.

Connie breathed in and out deeply, trying to ease the apprehension creeping into his body, but the action only caused his overworked muscles to seize up more. He knew wake-up time was coming and they would have to start preparing for the expedition today. He hadn't managed to sleep much during the night. A bunch of the guys including Reiner, Jean, and himself had stayed up talking trying to treat it as a regular night, and not another death trip outside the walls. They had talked about the typical guy stuff, but then somehow the conversation had lead to...girls.

Some guys started teasing Jean about his not-so-discreet-and-actually-pretty-balent-crush-on-Mikasa-and-wasn't-it-just-hilarious-that-she-paid-no-attention-to-him-and-only-seemed-to-care-about-Eren? That got people ragging on Reiner for his crush on Krista, and eventually they came after Connie.

"So Springer, how's it going on the Lady Front?"

A laugh that kinda sounded like a cough tumbled out from his mouth. Just another way his body liked to remind him how scared he was for tomorrow and how the conversation barely distracted him.

"What are you talking about?" He stuttered more than he would've admitted. Then again, he always got a bit jittery thinking (and especially talking) about love.

"Come on," another guy nudged him. "There's Potato Girl. You know the girl that is always sneaking them from the dining hall. Blouse I think."

Another guy joined in, "Yeah! You helped her once. I saw!" He rubbed the back of his hand against is nose and when his hand dropped Connie noticed how big the guy's nose was in comparison to his hand.

"You do spend a lot of time together." The guy sitting beside Big Nose chipped in.

"Yeah, we were paired a lot during training when we were in the 104th." Connie said, wishing the conversation would move on, or at least the guys would focus their attention on someone else.

"How anyone could fall for her, is a mystery to me." Jean said exaggeratingly. "She's a Space Case. Never know what she's going to do."

"Unpredictable," Reiner said with a concluding nod.

"She's always good for a laugh though," the guy that had nudged him said. With that the group started to recount all the times Sasha had done something stupid and laughed. Connie didn't join in, didn't appreciate them having fun at her expensive. They teased and taunted him a little more about being in love with her until Jean jumped in again.

"No way a relationship would ever work out with her. Her one and only love is eating! She'd probably marry a potato if she could. I have a better shot with Mikasa than Connie does with Sasha!" He stated triumphantly, acting as if he won some contest.

"Oh shut up Jean! Mikasa is totally out of your league!" The room howled with laughs and boos, and some of the guys that were trying to sleep threw pillows at them. One guy regretted it though and staggered over to retrieve his pillow, but was roped into their tomfoolery.

The night carried on like that until they all passed out in their beds.

Now that it was morning a Squad Leader came around for wake up call. Connie's body seemed to move on it's own following orders his brain protested against. It urged him to do anything to avoid leaving the wall. Desert the military, say you're sick, pretend your equipment isn't functioning properly. Anything. Come up with some excuse. However, he went through the motions of getting dressed and headed out to pick up his 3DMG.

The equipment retrieval room was full of soldiers and there was a line for sign out gear. Sasha walked up and greeted him. Her smiled struck him as forced. As well, it was unusual for her to get here so early. She tried to stay in bed as long as possible, especially on a day like today when most soldiers were dragging out morning routines as if it would somehow cancel the trip outside the walls.

"Hey, I asked if you slept well?" She asked, rubbing her hands together, warming them.

"Hmmm, oh yeah of course." He lied, stifling a yawn he felt forming at he back of his throat. Another irregularity tugged at his mind. Was she waiting here for him? She wasn't waiting in line to sign out her gear and had come up to him as soon as he had come in.

Sasha made an expression he couldn't quite place and let out an 'ahhhh' sound. "Feeling up to today's expedition?" She pressed.

"As ready as anyone else, I guess. You?"

"I've been ready for a long time." Her voice took on a distant tone.

"Wait, how long have you been up for?" Had she woken up early? That would explain how she got here before him.

She paused ever so shortly, but answered. "Seems like a long time. I wish we didn't have to go out there."

"Me too." He said. Standing with her, the flow of time seemed to simultaneously speed up and slow down all at once. Soldiers streamed around Connie and Sasha, as if they were stones in a stream and the soldiers were the current moving around them. The feeling vanished as suddenly as it had came, leaving Connie feeling a tad bit dizzy.

Sasha jumped at him, "Connie, you feeling ok? Do you wanna see the nurse?"

"No, no. It's fine, really. I think I should have gotten more sleep." She flashed him a look that told him she caught him in his earlier fib. He sighed inwardly. "Let's just grab our 3D maneuver gear and head to the dining hall," he moved towards the lines they had been ignoring.

Crossing the room to the area they could sign out their equipment, Connie noticed that their steps were synchronized. It was a weird thing to notice, but he did, and the thought rattled around in his brain. They were both silent as they stood in line, a somber feeling filling in the space around and between them.

Going outside the walls. It wasn't something he looked forward to. He could tell himself over and over it was for the good of humanity, but it never made him feel better. Sometimes he really questioned his sanity for joining the survey corps.

Sasha looked tense, tired, and down-right miserable. He wanted to say something to her, but she was next in line to sign out the 3DMG and walked away from him to sign the papers.

Sasha didn't say much as they attached their equipment to their harnesses and walked to the dinning hall. Uncomfortable was the word he wound use to describe the silence hanging over their heads on a day like this one when they really should be making jokes to take their minds off of the horrors they would undoubtedly be facing today.

As they were walking he noticed that she walked just outside of arms reach, and he noticed this after someone bumped into Connie, which in turn made him bump into Sasha. When they had both recovered and resumed walking, she repositioned herself to be just out of arms' length.

They reached the dining hall before he could mention it.

They grabbed their food and sat down with Reiner, the other 104th recruits, and some of the guys from their conversation the night before. Connie wasn't imagining it: Sasha kept her distance between them, an invisible bubble surrounded her that no one was allowed inside. She wasn't like this yesterday. Why did she feel so closed off today? When she sat down she was a couple bum skids away from him. Although, it was still close enough that someone who wasn't paying attention wouldn't notice.

Sasha, who was usually an overwhelming presence at best or causing a scene at worst, sat still. Her feet were crossed at the ankles and tucked under the bench, a hand rested in her lap, using her other to eat her food in small portions. She didn't lean over the table shovelling food into her mouth while trying to mooch off somebody (which usually ended up being him). She just sat there, quiet and stoic, her eyes trained on something that he clearly couldn't see. She didn't react to the usual teasing comments from their group.

The expedition was probably really freaking her out. The air around them seemed to thicken and it became increasingly harder to make conversation or to even make a joke. In a final futile attempt, he tried another joke, but her laugh was half-hearted, as if she had heard before and was only laughing for his benefit.

"Make sure you finish your food," she said glancing over at his bowl. He had been so caught up in his thoughts he hadn't eaten much.

Big Nose twirled his spoon while pointing it at Connie. "Wow I didn't know Potato Girl had become your mom, Springer," then he scooped some food and chewed on the spoon flashing Connie a mocking smile.

"Oh come off it," Connie replied, shoveling food into his mouth. "She's just looking out for me."

"Mmmmm, yeah," the guy said while nodding his head and winking.

Connie shook his head and focused on keeping the glop the military called food in his stomach with his knotting nerves.

When Sasha was finished she glanced at the clock and said, "I'll be right back". She walked her dishes to the counter (again very un-Sasha like) and headed outside. A couple minutes later she came back inside. "Squad Leader Tyra assigned me to your squad."

"What?"

"We have to meet up with the squad soon. Are you done? Let's go." She turned to leave, intending for him to just follow her.

"Wait Sasha." He held up his spoon after he ate from it, "why were you transferred to my squad?"

She shrugged, not even looking at him and answered, "you were short a member. Let's go."

He was done anyway, so he got up and followed her. The guys were making kissy faces, their tongues flapping in front of their mouths and pumping their fists in the air in a silent - if not mocking - cheer.

He sighed and walked a little faster out of the room.

In the horse stable, they prepared for the expedition, and Sasha fawned over him. She asked if he was feeling alright, checked over his equipment giving him an extra sword she had swiped, tightened the saddle of his horse, reminded him to follow orders and not to do anything reckless, and told him to focus on staying alive.

"Isn't that my line?" Connie said. She was the one who was reckless and never followed orders.

"No it's definitely my line. I checked the script." She said. Was she trying to make a joke? He let out a breezy laugh, but she didn't. He didn't know how to respond to the way she was acting. She was being overprotective.

Yes that was it! Over protective. He allowed the word to roll over in his brain, digesting it.

 _Overprotective_.

But why?

She was standing by the horses now. Except for when she had been checking his equipment, she was still staying true to the out of arms length distance rule she was moving by. Now she was gently patting the horses' necks, deliberately avoiding eye contact and conversation. Every once in a while she would rub her hands together like she was washing them. He had never noticed that nervous habit before.

"Sasha what's wrong?" he blurted out.

Holding out her palms, she fed both of their horses leftovers from breakfast that she had smuggled into her uniform and mumbled something about just wanting to take precautions, but her eyes betrayed her. They were telling him something else. A deep sorrow was hidden in their depths.

Connie took a look at her from head to toe. Her shoulders hunched forward and her posture formed as if her body was carrying a heavy load instead of her usual natural ease where it looked like she could spontaneously start doing cartwheels. Her hair was a bigger mess than usual, one strand out of many stray hairs had fallen in front of her eye. In one fluid movement, Connie stepped closer to Sasha crossing the boundary between them but as his fingers reached out to tuck the strand of hair behind her ear brushed her cheek gently. At the unexpected contact she didn't step away as he found himself expecting. Instead she turned to face him, her eyes searching his. The pain he sensed earlier was still evident just beneath her eyelashes. He felt her breath on his cheek. Abruptly he became aware of how close his face had leaned towards hers, close enough that he could close the gap completely and kiss her. Retracing his step backward, he replaced the distance between them and waved a hand in front of himself looking around the stable for something to divert her attention from the changing colours of his cheeks.

Darnit! The conversation from yesterday was getting to him.

Sasha seemed unaware of his personal peril as she untied Oba and lead him out of the stable. She was now urging Connie to hurry up so they could go to their squad's meeting spot before Tyra got there. As they walked side by side, the distance returned.

Sasha was sullen and focused. Traits that didn't belong to her. The spark she had was gone and replaced with this person that only seemed like a shadow of who she really was. He started to wonder if it was only the expedition that was making her act so... off.

He missed her. The loud Sasha. The silly Sasha. The Sasha he could easily make jokes with and could even for a short time forget about what lay outside the walls.

He realized in the absence of who she was, how much she really meant to him.

 _-clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp-_

The land they were traveling was barren. Nothing was around for miles. No trees, houses, nothing. It was relatively flat too. Connie was searching the horizon for any indication of titans...but there was nothing. They had been riding in the same direction for a while as Commander Erwin hadn't singled to change course. His group hadn't run into any titans yet, and for that he was thankful, but it was too good to be true and he was on edge wondering when the giants would show themselves.

Riding a couple meters in front of him, Sasha had a vibe about her he could only pin as high morale.

That was _weird_... right?

He glanced at the squad members riding around him. Nervousness and fear floated around them like an odor, which was probably true with all the sweating. In comparison Sasha was professional. A level of which he would've expected from a veteran like the Commander.

The way she had been acting the last couple days never suggested the turn-around personality change she had undergone today. Suddenly she wasn't the same person. How much could one person change from one day to the next?

Connie flicked the reins of his horse and moved up closer to Sasha.

His body had moved on its own and now that he was riding beside her he was tongued tied and lost the nerve to confront her.

"We've been lucky so far, eh?" He tried instead.

"Umph," she answered with a grunt.

She didn't even look at him!

"I hope we can go back soon."

"Umph"

He tried again with a topic he knew she'd respond to: food. "Do you think we'll get a nice meal when we get back tonight?"

With her horse Sasha cut Connie off. Their horses exchanged startled whines and kicked up dirt from the abrupt stop. The hardened look in the eyes that peered into his own, deep down within he knew this wasn't the Sasha he had become friends with, not the girl he might have developed more than friendship feelings for.

Anger was breaking the demeanour Sasha had taken up ever since they left the walls. "Stop, whatever it is your doing, and take this seriously. You need to focus, or you're going to get killed!" She nearly spat at him.

"I am Sasha! What do you think? I get a thrill out of this?" He snapped back. "Sasha what's wrong with you today!?"

Coloured smoke shot up into the sky in streams. It was Erwin's flares. It indicated for them to change course.

"Umph!? "Sasha eyes went wide, her anger evaporating away, leaving unease to settle on her features.

"What?" She exclaimed, then muttered to herself, but Connie was close enough to make it out. "Why is it different this time? This isn't supposed to happen." She coaxed Oba into a gallop and went up to Tyra. "Where are we going?" Sasha demanded, reaching out to grab at the Squad leader, "this doesn't usually happen!" And then finished her sentence, "...right?"

Tyra "Fall back into formation Blouse! We follow Commander Erwin's orders," Then to everyone, "now let's proceed!"

Following the directions Tyra lead her squad to cliffs. They rode along it for a while, careful to leave plenty of ground between themselves and the sheer drop.

Without warning, a screech that sounded like every bird in the world was descending on them, echoed from over the edge of the cliff. It was a long and ripping howl that tore through the air as if it were paper. The sound forced everyone's hands to their ears.

"No." Sasha said barely audible over the noise. Connie glanced over his shoulder to see Sasha rubbing her hands again.

Connie's head swivelled forward just in time to see a titan hand came into sight, just a little ways in front of the squad. It was stretching over the edge of the cliff and pulling itself up. Next, the titan's head poked up from the dark abyss. It's long thick black hair covered it's face save for one even blacker eye that scanned their faces.

"Connie," Sasha said, riding up to him, "Connie. Stay behind me. I haven't seen this one in a while," she said, whatever guard she had up against him dropped. Before he could respond she moved her horse in front of his and forced him back, drawing her sword with the hand not handling the rein. "This might be the most danger we've ever been in." He noticed the way her voiced caught on the word 'ever', but then the howling titan stole his attention again.

It had finally lifted it's body out. When standing it was 6 meters tall. The titan stumbled as it walked. It was hard to believe that thing had just climbed up the wall of the cliff. The titan's heavy tread was shaking the ground, the stones at their feet rattling.

Everyone was frozen in fear. There was an order to retreat. However, in the distance there were titans coming towards them. In fact, in every direction titans were making their way to them.

Sasha was talking and Connie finally pulled his attention back and started listening to what she was saying. Her professionalism had returned and she was discussing their situation with Tyra.

"They were summoned by that howl that black haired titan made. It's also very agile for a titan."

"How do you know that Blouse?" Tyra asked Sasha.

"That's the leader, the 'Special Titan', I've heard of it before."

"Where?"

"Ummm, that's not important now." Sasha said looking around. Oba was spooked and was stamping the ground making Sasha's body bounce as Tyra spoke again.

"You're right," she nodded. "Well, did your information source give you anything that can help us in battle?"

"It acts dumb, but is actually very intelligent. It's able to predict patterns in our fighting styles. It also seems to be able to understand human speech."

"I understand. Did your source tell you how to defeat it?"

"Run." Sasha said bluntly. "Do not engage it."

Soldiers had crowded around to hear them, and one shouted, "but we're surrounded, there's nowhere to go!"

"Then, we only have one thing left to do," Sasha unsheathed her sword. "Fight."

Tyra took the cue to give the squad instructions. "Everyone partner up and attack one titan at a time. Cover each other's back. One person focus on immobilizing your target titan by cutting off limbs and gouging their eyes, while the other focuses on cutting their napes. Our goal is to take out the leader, and then hopefully that will throw all the others in confusion and then we can make an escape. We are not dead yet!" She unsheathed her own sword and raised it above her head, giving a battle cry.

The black haired, beady eyed titan screeched-howled again. Titans came in swarms around them. Everyone followed the motion of slashing the air and then raising their swords with a battle cry, then soldiers propelled from their horses, bravely attacking the oncoming titans.

Frantic eyes belonging to Sasha whipped around and pinned Connie under their gaze. "Together we'll go for the eyes, and then I'll swing to the back and cut their nape. Ok? I'll match your moves."

Caught up in her warrior spirit - that was the only way he could describe the Sasha he witnessed now, not the quiet girl from this morning or even the clown-like person she was yesterday - and followed her into battle. She was a human whirlwind of blades and exploding hook shoots and commands. She perfectly matched his attacks, and with a high level of precision would cut the back of the titans' necks and bound off of them as they collapsed taking down the next one.

He was amazed, was this the girl he had trained with back at the academy...just when had she become this good!?

Titans were falling all around them, but the special titan watched from a distance. A few soldiers laid on the ground in crumpled heaps around the titan, swatted away as if they were annoying flies.

Every titan brought them closer to the special titan. It watched them, with a careful and steady gaze. In a split second it broke into a sprint towards them. Just then Sasha wavered in her attack, missing her mark.

What happened next, played out in slow motion before him: Sasha was up against a titan, and had just cut off its hand. The titan leaned forward and bit her wire. It didn't snap, instead held it between its teeth began to wave its head around, thrashing her through the air. Then it stopped and started walking, dragging Sasha along behind it.

Red stained the ground behind her.

 _No. NO! SASHA!_

He yelled for her, and then took off after her, feet pounding the ground. Nearing her, he heard her groan. Relief flooded him for an instead and then bloodlust powerfully overtook it. He cut Sasha free of for 3DMG wires and then bounded after the titan. Imitating a move he saw Sasha do before, he cut the meat out of the monster's neck and watched the monster fall with a satisfying thud. Steam poured from it. He looked for the special titan that had sprinted towards them, but it was stalled many meters away. Clutching its head. Had someone attacked it?

He hurried over to Sasha's body that was sprawled on the ground. Her uniform was ripped, and damage to the equipment rendered it useless. Blood wet the ground. Her eyes twitched and her breathing was ragged. Wordlessly he began to apply pressure to the wounds and position her more comfortably so that limbs weren't pointing out at weird angles.

Surveying the field Connie saw many people were still fighting. However, their numbers were still dwindling and more titans gathered on all sides. The injured were on the ground and were trying to call their horses into the fray to get them out of there. He too called for his horse.

"We shouldn't - You shouldn't be on the ground," he heard her mutter under her breath, then, "owww my head." Sasha said, fingers dragging down the side of her face.

"Well, you did fall-"

"No. My head just starting pounding all of a sudden, that that's why I fell." She winced in pain, but Connie winced for another reason.

The black haired titan was howling again, and the titans surrounded what few fighting soldiers they had and pushed them together in the center so that they were almost back to back. The special titan was walking toward them now, it's howls on the verge of sounding like words. It clasped it's head in its hands and let out what sounded like a grunt and stopped in its tracks.

Sasha's finger curled into the folds of his shirt and she dug her head into Connie's back and screamed. Eyes that had been squeezed shut now flew open.

"She's hysterical!" One of their squadmates shouted.

Tyra yelled, "Make her STOP!" A command.

He tried.

The special titan was shrieking nonstop now, and all the titans that were progressively getting closer stopped in their tracks and began howling along with the special titan.

"Make it stop..!" Tears were streaming down Sasha's face and she was throwing her head against the ground repeatedly.

"Sasha, stop it!" Connie instinctively placed his hand under her head, unwittly allowing her to slam it into the ground. His hand throbbed but he cradled her head to stop her from slamming it against the ground again and coaxed her up into a sitting position, with her still screaming and now rocking back and forth.

He was at a loss. WHAT DO YOU DO IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS? Titans surrounded them leaving no possible escape route. The soldiers around him were starting to cry and panic. Sasha was reduced to a crying mess in his arms. Death was coming and there was nothing they could do. They were in their final moments.

Sasha stopped thrashing and screaming, probably because it was too much and her body couldn't take it anymore. Connie pulled Sasha's head down into his lap. She submitted and laid there, her eyes closed and sweat collecting on her brow. He brushed the bangs out of her eyes and stroked her arm, doing what little he could to take away some of the pain.

Sasha reached up and wiped away the tears rolling down his cheeks that he was oblivious to.

He recounted his many regrets and there was only one he could do anything about now. Connie rubbed her cheeks with his thumbs and leaned forward, pressing his lips against hers. His upper lip brushed against her bottom one. An upside down kiss. She kissed him back, and for a moment time slowed around them, the titans were faraway, and safety was within reach. He pulled away, looking into her eyes that told him more than she did.

"Sasha..."

Sasha tried to push herself on her arms. "I'm not going to let you die here." She twisted onto her stomach. "We aren't going to die." Sasha moved away from his arms, and crawled-slash-dragged herself forward on the ground.

She had no idea what she was doing anymore! What was she planning to do?! Fight the titans in that condition? He was sure she had broken some bones and there was no denying she had suffered major bleeding. He wanted to stop her, tell her not to throw away what little time she had left. But he couldn't. He only watched her as she dragged herself closer to the titans.

He wouldn't have thought it possible, but the special titan howled in even more intense pain. Sasha pushed herself up, and stood. Taking shaky steps forward. Red footprints. She was screaming more than she had before, both of her hands were pressing up against her temples as if trying to block out the pain. And Connie only now made the connection that Sasha was moving towards the special titan and with very inch they were closer to each other they somehow caused the other one pain.

The special titan was knocked to its knees in shrilling pain now. Then it did something amazing: it retreated. And with it, many of the confused titans sauntered after it.

Sasha collapsed to the ground, unconscious.

The fleeing titans left an escape route, and Tyra ordered for a retreat.

* * *

Back at camp, Sasha was carried into the infirmary, joining a flood of injured soldiers that included Connie. She was unconscious, unresponsive, but still alive. He rushed in there with her, until doctors shooed him away, but still watched from a couple beds down as another medic examined his injury and bandaged him up.

Sasha was transferred onto a cot, cut out of her clothes, and then medics went about trying to put back together her broken body. They poked, proded, and pinched her. Needles were flicked sending droplets to the floor before being tucked into her veins delivering a substance that eased her breathing and softened the hard look in her face. Wounds were attended to. Blood scrubbed away, gashes rubbed clean, hasty stitches pulled together mismatched edges of skin that were left over. Healing ointments were massaged into her skin, leaving the whole of her skin a tainted pink colour, until a white bandage covered the worst of it up. Entire limbs were set into casts. A paper thin gown was slipped over her limp body as she was laid to rest for the night.

When the medics retired for the night and most of the candles were blown out, Connie tip-toed his way over to her.

She laid there, still, quiet, and sleeping. So different from broken heap on the ground that was crying and dragging herself towards the titans. He examined her for awhile, looking for any movement, any indication that she was alive. There. The rise of her chest. The flutter of her eyelashes. The twitch of her fingers. At the latter he scooped her good hand into his own, and knelt beside her bed.

Sasha really scared him today. Although, she was astounding fighting all those titans. An image of her laying bloody on the came to his mind, and then the one of her dragging herself across the ground towards the special titan...they had some sort of connection. And Sasha knew about it too. How did everything fit together? He'd have to ask her in the morning.

He sat on the ground next to her cot, body resting against the wall. Connie fell asleep in the infirmary, his hand keeping her cooling one warm.

Drifting between sleep and awake, dream like images played in his brain, but still registered the sounds of the room around them. At one point, the feeling of crusty butterfly wings grazed the top of his head, rousing him. Looking up Sasha was studying him, concern creating lines on her face.

"...eye...your..." She was barely able to speak, whether it was because of the medication, injuries, or exhaustion, he didn't know.

He automatically touched the bandage wrapped around his head and eye, and offered an explanation. "Oh, it's just a gash above my eye. They just wrapped the bandages around my eye as well as the wound to keep out infections. After you passed out we retreated but had to fight our way past more titans, before we could make an escape. We didn't loose any others though. What you did, saved a lot of us."

"we're back...inside walls...you're alive!" Something seemed to click, and she got really excited. Connie had to calm her down, before her stitches ripped. When he eventually got her settled back down, she was complaining about her headache.

"head feels murky...can't...think straight...memories feel jumbled, something...slippery I can't...hold on to"

"That's ok. We can talk about everything tomorrow."

"tomorrow" she repeated before she was pulled under again.

* * *

When Sasha's eyes opened again, it wasn't the sunlight that woke her, but the absence of pain in her body. She turned her head to look at her bedside but no one was sleeping next to her bed, holding her hand as he did. Her wounds were no longer wrapped in bandages, and that's because she didn't have them anymore.

Rows of girls sleeping in their bunk beds lined the room.

She was in the girls' barracks.

The day had reset.

But Connie had survived to the end of the day!

And if that didn't break it...

What was she going to do?

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

There we go! A special chapter from Connie's perspective. :D It was very challenging (but also fun) to write because I had to balance his "fresh" perspective of the story while also trying to continue developing Sasha's character with development he's not aware of or unsure of how to interpret. All the while dropping hints for the reader of what's really going on in Sasha's mind since Connie gets it wrong sometimes.

I am starting to move towards a conclusion for this story, especially with the (re)entrance of the Special Titan.

I'm always open to concrit, so feel free to point out awkward parts, things that didn't make sense, or things I could improve on! Leave a review or PM. Of course all comments are welcome :]

Thanks for reading~


	6. Chapter 6 Ripped Seams

**Author's Note**

*Discreetly posts chapter*

* * *

" _There are years that ask questions and years that answer._ " ~ Zora Neale Hurston

* * *

The day had reset? Even after saving Connie? It just couldn't be.

Even if her bed had been consumed in flames, Sasha couldn't have jumped out of her bed any quicker than she did this morning to run to see if the day had really reset. She raced her own beating heart down the hall. She tore through the boy's dorm, and almost knocked down the door. Her feet barely touching the floor, she ran to Connie's bedside.

"Do you remember anything?" Did she yell that? Or did she whisper?

Disoriented, Connie curled one hand around her arm trying to anchor himself as she shook his shoulders. He moaned, wanting her to stop.

A guy with a nasally voice called out, "Connie, tell your girlfriend to stop being crazy!" then burrowed his head further under his pillow.

Hysteria was rising in tendrils from the pit of her stomach now as tears were spilling in heaps onto her cheeks.

"Please say something! Tell me you remember! I can't do this every day. You were fine yesterday, you made it back, but the day…" It repeated again. She thought that if Connie could make it to the end of the day, beat his own fate and avoid dying, then she would be released from this time loop.

"I just...can't," her hands fell limp at her sides, but she felt exposed so she pressed them against her face instead. "I don't know what ... to do..." She could barely speak now her breathing was quick and shallow. She wasn't taking in enough air. Could you suffocate yourself from crying?

Piercing through her tears and panicked breathing, Connie, a mixture of anger and confusion asked, "Remember what?"

There was no mistaking it. His question was the final blow.

That was it.

It was like she had never been there. She disappeared in a blink of an eye. Down the hall.

Out of the building.

Out of the army camp.

And into the forest.

* * *

Sasha gazed up at the sky, the tops of the trees swaying at the edge of her vision.

She had spent the hours that had past lying in clearing in the forest. Watching birds fly by and listening for the animals that rustled shrubbery nearby. The day before played over and over again in her mind, and each time brought on a worsening headache. The headache now was nothing compared to the skull bashing pain she had felt yesterday when she and the Black Haired Titan were in close vicinity. And it had felt it too.

An image of being in the medical quarters at the end of the day formed her mind, shaping the image of white sheets, pugid smells and a trembling hand grasping hers. Connie. By her side while she recovered that night. Safe. Alive. Finally, a time he had made it back inside the walls surviving the horrors that day threw at him. They had both somehow made it.

But that day had erased itself too.

And here she was again, the same stupid day that had repeated itself. She had no idea how long she had been stuck, but it literally felt like years had gone by. She lifted her hand above her head blocking the sun.

That awful question. One she had been seeking the answer to everyday since the beginning: Was there a way to stop the time loop?

A desperate howling screech forced her hands to her ears until she realized it was only the ghost of a sound haunting her. The Black Haired Titan.

Yesterday she was scared for her life. And she hadn't experienced fear that way after she learned dying didn't end the time loop. Yes, it was definitely special, but not for the reasons she had previously thought. No, it was... the headache got worse and she tightened her hand into a fist and brought it down onto her forehead, wishing she could knock the headache out.

She couldn't even get close to the black hair titan yesterday as the intense pain of getting near it caused a headache so bad she actually thought her brain was going to explode. The closer in proximity she was to it, the worse the headache became. Why did that happen? Why did no one react like that being close to the titan? The titan had felt the same pain the closer they got. That was the only way their group got out of the titan attack alive, and she used that to her advantage so that her group would survive the chaos.

The headache sent a new wave of pain shooting behind Sasha's eyes, tracing the edge of her skull even to the top of her jaw. She covered her face with one arm, and tried to ease her headache by clearing her mind of all these thoughts, falling asleep in the process.

Sasha is surrounded by her squad, with Squad Leader Zach leading at the front.

They are in titan territory - outside the walls.

The horses are swift. Fear is a stench in the air.

Sasha is first to see the messenger. Leaning too far into the saddle and clutching his stomach.

His message.

Zach deems the messenger unfit to continue his duties and delegates the duty to Sasha.

"Relay the information."

Sasha memorizes the message's contents, and rides on to tell the closest squad.

The one Connie was assigned to.

The message in Sasha's quivering voice: A "Special Titan". It's apparent stupidity is a front. It understands human speech. Able to predict patterns in fighting styles.

Shivers travel down spines. Sweat rolls down necks.

"How do we beat it?"

"We can't, do not engage." Reiterating the message. If they ran into this titan, they would die.

Just as Sasha was leaving to carry the message to the next squad they were attacked by titans on all sides.

Squad Leader Tyra orders them to fight since they can't flee, her orders directing them to create an opening by which they can attempt to escape.

Sasha is knocked her off her horse.

A titan was coming for her, but the Squad Leader and Connie attack it. Tyra cuts off its arm.

"Sasha!?" He yells.

"Slit its ankles from the ground!" Tyra orders Connie.

The titan tumbles to the ground. Tyra finishes it and moved to attack the next one.

Connie on the ground next to Sasha. They couldn't stay there. Connie snaps her out of her stupor, helps get her on her feet. A titan meanders up to them and Connie steps un front of her, defending her. Connie against a titan. Sasha against her shaking legs.

Sasha unsheaths her sword and backs up Connie. Together they fight.

Sasha covered in gashes and tears. Connie covered in sweat, blood, and dirt.

A screeching howl erupted from one of the titans, a beady eyed, oily black haired one. It walked around with a big loopy grin plastered to its face. It effortlessly interceded any attacks attempted against it. It killed many people and eventually reached where Sasha and Connie were.

Connie yells something but his words are lost when the Black Haired Titan snatches Connie into its hands.

Connie against a titan. Sasha against her shaking legs.

The titan watches Sasha, eyes that know more than that loopy grin lets on. Sasha frozen. The Black Haired Titan sweeps her off the ground with its free hand. Both are now trapped in the titan's grip. Connie and Sasha's eyes lock with each other and so do their screams.

The titan looks at Sasha and she returns its contemplative gaze. It uncurls its fingers, but not of the hand holding her. Connie drops to the ground. While still watching Sasha the Black Haired Titan then crushs Connie under its foot.

How quickly and easily a life is lost.

"Move out, we have an escape route!" Tyra shouts from somewhere on the battlefield.

Why? They had been so close. They had taken down a titan together. They could have made it back.

The titan brought Sasha closer to his face. Was it studying her? Seeing how she would react? It tightened its grip. Sasha choked and gasped for air. She was going to die next.

The titan loosened its grip. Sasha coughed, spitting out saliva mixed with blood.

The titan's breathing becomes uneven. No, it is laughing.

And that is truly when Sasha lost her mind. With strength born from anger and despair, she rips her arms out of the titan's grasp and borrows her blades that into its eyes. It drops her in pain but she is able to use her 3DMG to swing behind it and dig a hole into its neck. Clear spinal fluid sprays out, covering her in gooey liquid. She rubs it out of her eyes and wipes it out of her bloody wounds.

It didn't was only either spooked or badly injured and so it shook her off. She falls to the ground as it sprints away.

The rest of the day was a blur. She eventually made it back inside the walls alive, not like many of the dead they brought back with them.

She knew people were going to die.

But when it happened it was like nothing she could prepare herself for. How could you? How could anyone deal with losing a close friend like that...the way he was crushed like an ant, like the titan enjoyed it.

She wished she could have saved Connie, she wished...

Someone guided her back to her room, and tucked her into bed.

Her thoughts were wrapped up in him. He saved her – got her off the ground, and fought with her.

If anyone deserved to get out of that alive...

She wished she could have saved him.

Sasha wished...

...to save...

Connie.

She fell asleep with that wish echoing in her nightmares.

Sasha came to. The trees still swayed in the wind, the sky was as clear as when she fell asleep.

That wasn't any dream. She knew that...was a memory. Of the Black Haired Titan. But when had that happened? Before she fell asleep she had no recollection of that time skip.

With her mind still swimming with images from the dream - or rather of the memory - Sasha headed back to camp. Soldiers were returning. She nursed the persisting headache and was quite startled when someone called her name. It was Jean's voice. He placed a hand on her shoulder and she spun around to face a very weary person. Someone she barely recognized.

"I know," she began. There had been countless repeats of this exact conversation. She knew word for word what he was going to say and how he was going to say it, so she beat him to it.

"Connie didn't make it back." Doubtlessly from his perspective she seemed very unfeeling. She searched his face, assessing her own soul through his expression.

She refused to believe she had become heartless. She was still human, she hadn't become a monster. She didn't feel as indifferent to death as a titan did. The loops, deaths, fighting, and everything still plagued her mind with fear and rage until it broke her over and over and over again. That proved she was still human. She wasn't heartless. The pain numbed her, the horrors scarred but she was not heartless.

She wasn't.

John had yet to take his eyes off her and moved his mouth to speak about only his breath passed through his wind chapped lips.

"Sasha, there was," Jean dropped off mid sentence fighting through either disbelief or a proper way to word what he was going to say next, "Sasha, there was this freighting titan. He had this terrible screech and seemed to be able to control other titans..."

The titan from yesterday. "Did it have black hair?"

His eyes took on a terrified expression. He took a step away from Sasha and nodded his head slowly picking up speed up until it seemed like it would fly right off.

Sasha matched his step and came closer to him and demanded that he continue talking.

"This titan, he had these wild eyes and he was searching for someone. He spoke, at first we couldn't make out what he was saying, but he kept repeating...repeating..." Jean became stuck on the last word, unable to finish. He was rooted in his spot and Sasha thought that he was unintentionally holding his breath.

Sasha's anxiousness grew the longer Jean stood frozen. "What?" Sasha grunted, just wanting him to spit it out.

"Sasha!" He yelled, avoiding her fierce gaze.

Sasha reached toward his throat and closed her fists around the collar of his shirt. Raising herself up on her toes to peer into his eyes, she pulled his face close to hers. "Just tell me! Jean, what did he say? Jean!"

"Sasha! You! Your name. He kept saying your name, alright!?" He turned his face away from her and squeezed his eyes shut. "It kept saying your name, and then said 'message', 'this has to end soon', and 'I'll find you'."

It was Sasha's turn to take a step away. She lowered her hands, but as she stepped backwards, her foot slipped on a stone rolling her ankle and she fell with a thump.

After winning - or losing- an inner debate Jean extended a hand to help her up, which she ignored, opting to rub her ankle instead. Jean dragged his hand through sweaty hair caked with dirt.

"Was that all?" Sasha pressed. "Where were you when the Black Haired Titan attacked? How did Connie die?"

"That was all he said. Or at least what we could understand. And we were at some cliffs. Squad Leader Tyra said there were some caves at the bottom."

"Wait. You're not in her squad. How did you-"

"The smoke signals directed the whole mission there, but then we were ambushed by titans on all sides. They could have killed us. It looked like none of us would make it. That black haired titan. He controlled all those titans. After he gave us the message, he fled and they all went with him. No one has ever seen that before."

"Yeah..."

"Sasha," Jean said almost as an afterthought, "they're coming for you."

"Who?"

"Commander Erwin, and a bunch of the Squad Leaders."

"Of course they do. Why wouldn't they?" She was slightly annoyed, she didn't care about talking to them...maybe she would go into the forest and wait out the day until it restarted...but then again, they might be able to give her more information.

With this message from the Black Haired Titan, Sasha knew it had some part in all of this. The headaches, the memory of their previous fight. Could it possibly be aware of the time loops? It would have to remember the first fight to know who she was and to seek her out.

This titan had to be the key to stopping this. It did say 'this' had to stop and that he would find her... Did he know of a way to end the time loop!?

"How did Connie die, Jean?"

"The Black Haired Titan killed him after it gave us its message, but then pulled back and retreated with all the other titans without hurting anyone else." Still on the ground she brought her knees to her chin and hugged her legs, her ankle throbbing.

Even though she had seen him die so many times - no it must have been because she had seen him die so many times - it stung to hear that he couldn't escape his fate.

Yet...the Black Haired Titan knew. About the time loop. About her. What else did he know? He had answers and she would have to meet him to find out. He had killed Connie...her heart fluttered painfully against her ribcage as she thought about how he had been caught up in all of this. Was killing Connie part of the message? A threat. Clearly meeting him would not be a friendly chat. It would be a last chance. A way to end things for once and for all.

Sasha had to get everything right. She couldn't make any mistakes. Connie had to survive the day. If she confronted the Black Haired Titan, there would be no going back, no repeats, no do overs.

She would save Connie.

The Back Haired Titan was looking for a way to end this he had made that clear. Finally she knew there was an end in sight. Now she had a goal. And now she had a target to take out her frustrations on.

* * *

Sasha met with Commander Erwin, her own Squad Leader Zach and a couple others that had been on the exhibition. Through their exchange Sasha learned where they had run into the titan, how strong it was, and that it was somehow able to control or at least direct other titans. They shared with her the attempts people had taken to kill it.

All in all it was very useful info. Info she would need to train and eventually kill this titan.

* * *

 **Blurry. Only moments of sharpness, the rest was bleeding colours, sounds, memories, and emotions. When everything else was fuzzy, standing amidst it all was the stark image of a figure. A human girl with shaking legs. Long hair the shade of dirt pulled tightly into a ponytail. Eyes set with fear. Hooks that shot from her hips. A green hood and d. Swords extending from her arms. He hated her. He pulled out his hair and scratched off his skin just thinking about her.**

 **She was the reason he was like this. Somehow she had transferred some of his power to herself, making it so neither of them could control it fully and had been resetting the same day for years. Because of this he had reverted back into the nightmares and blurriness, half way between shifter and human, a monster that could barely control himself. The only thing that kept him from fully reverting was that girl.**

 **""Saaaasha," the name dripped off his lips like venom. He needed to retrieve the partial power she stole from him, but he could barely leave his cave. Only these last couple days had he been able to muster his strength and track her down.**

 **Her deeply rooted psychological trauma and her desire to change something from that day had been the cause of the day erasing itself and restarting. The power had never allowed for this endless repeat before. But the power was unstable since it was spread between two different entities. Her wish to save the boy set it off and he was the source powering it, but had no control over it anymore. The day erasing and restarting would not stop until she killed him - destroying the source and erasing the power - or he consumed her and effectively gaining the power back.**

 **"ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" He scratched at his arms, his legs, his neck.**

 **He would end this. Consuming her...would return his power, his sanity, his control. Release him from the blurry days and the fuzzy thoughts.**

 **Her existence was a mockery of his situation and he would erase her from this awful earth.**

* * *

 **Author's Note**

I know it's been a while since I last posted, I'm sorry! But, I haven't given up this fic and I have more chapters in progress including the ending!

Thanks for reading I appreciate all the support.

By the way, I will be changing my username soon.


	7. Chapter 7 (un)Renewable Resource

"It is a lonely feeling when someone you care about becomes a stranger." ~ Lemony Snicket, When Did You See Her Last?

* * *

Sasha swept her hair into a tight ponytail, the shorter pieces falling down to frame her face. She slid swords into their place at her hips of her 3DMG, and tightened the straps of her boots. Fixed the green hooded cape at her shoulders. Satisfied with her uniform she headed to the dining hall to grab breakfast. She would spend the next couple days training to fight the Black Haired Titan, then, on her own terms, she would find him and she would end this.

For that reason, Sasha had retreated inside of herself, going through the motions. She was caught in an inner debate with herself about whether or not she was becoming indifferent. She convinced herself that she was guarding against her emotions to protect herself from the pain of becoming emotionally invested in a timeline that would ultimately reset. She had an endgame, a goal, a future to focus on instead of emotional entanglement.

Sasha grabbed her bowl of food and sat down, deliberating over what 3DMG techniques she should use when she fought the Black Haired Titan. In the dining hall she joined the other recruits. Sasha wished she could sit somewhere else, but that would only invite questions. This was the route of least resistance. She didn't bother engaging in conversation anymore. How many times could she listen to Jean brag about his affections for Mikasa and that "today will be the day he steals her away from that bastard Eren!"

Sasha already knew they were bristling with anxiety for the mission. Reiner played with his food and told worse jokes than usual. Bertholdt was a sweaty mess (although he always was, so it was hard to tell if he sweat more than usual). Jean, avoided eye contact, but talked big to make himself seem impressive, (similar to how a tiny bird will puff its feathers to look bigger Sasha recalled from her childhood growing up in the forest). Krista and Ymir sat together, Ymir for the most part looked unfazed while Krista's bright spirit was dulled in the shadow of the events to come. As for Connie…he was more agitated, little comments or tasteless jokes could send him into extreme fits of emotional outbursts.

Connie dropped into his spot on the bench beside her, the aging wood giving a little under the weight of another body. He spun his steaming bowl of gruel into position in front of him and dug his spoon in mixing the contents. Reiner was about to tell Connie about the (really bad) joke about the titan and his shadow – oh who cares? Sasha rolled her eyes and noticed that Connie was scratching his arm raw. Huh. After countless days of reliving this meal she never noticed this nervous habit of his. There were things she still missed. Incredible. She thought she had everything memorized. She took a bite of her food. What other things had she missed?

"Hey Potato Girl," Reiner summoned her attention. "Who do think?"

"Could kill more titans?" Every morning Reiner and a couple of the guys had this argument/bet about who could take down the most titans (that is, if she didn't speak during the meal and change the direction of the conversation).

"Ahhh so you were listening!" he folded his arms and leaned closer towards her.

Sasha nodded to show him she had been paying attention. Not really though. She had the conversation memorized: Reiner would insist he would kill the most. Then Jean would accuse him of only trying to look good in front of Krista saying that if it came down to it Reiner would abandon her to save himself. Reiner would quickly refute, looking to Sasha for support. She usually played along so that his attention would move on to someone else. The conversation typically followed that pattern, but now she was thrown off knowing that she had missed details about her friends. Now she felt like being a part of the conversation. Maybe she would learn something new about them.

"So, who would kill the most?" Reiner prompted her again.

"Me." Sasha stated. Well, it was the truth.

"Someone's confident today!" Jean said sarcastically.

"Look who's talking," Sasha snapped back, jamming a spoonful of food in her mouth and chewing angrily.

"Have you ever even killed one of them?" Jean slapped the table recounting all his heroics.

With her mouth full of food she said to Jean "I've killed more than you, that's for sure." How did her score add up if she had killed the same titans hundreds of times during the time loop?

"Yeah I'm sure." He said dismissing it, "I ranked higher than you when we graduated!" He loved to throw that around. As if that even mattered now.

"Yeah but doesn't it still burn you up that Jaeger ranked higher than you?" Reiner baited Jean into foolishly ranting for his own amusement.

Sasha forced her way back into the spotlight, "If three titans were all close to each other, I could take them all down. In a minute. That's a bet."

The table started laughing, even Ymir and Krista who weren't paying attention to them until now.

"Now I know you must be still sleeping." Ymir said.

"Who do you think you are? Captain Levi?" Jean's face was red from laughing, he was enjoying this a bit too much.

"The trick is getting in the right momentum, and hitting your mark. Just aim for one neck to the next." Bertholdt looked concerned.

"Sasha! Whatever they put in your porridge I want some!" Ymir exclaimed.

"Shh, Ymir, I think Sasha is capable!" Krista flashed Sasha with one of her encouraging smiles.

"Yeah," Reiner agreed with Krista, if only to win points. "I would fight a titan for Krista, die for her even! I bet Sasha'd even die to protect Connie!"

"Cut it out Reiner, don't say stuff like that." Connie finally broke his silence.

"Well you know, last night when we were talking-" Reiner started to say something but Connie cut him off.

"Of course she wouldn't." He said sternly, trying to end the conversation.

Sasha stood up "I'm going to head to the stable."

"Hey Sasha-" Someone said, but Sasha wasn't paying attention anymore.

"Come on, don't leave…" Their efforts to try to get her to stay only drove out the doors faster. As she made her way to the stables, she could hear the sound of gravel being crunched underneath a pair of boots.

"I'm sorry Sasha. Did I say something to upset you? You know those guys are always on my case, y'know: trying to get to me. I tried to stop them before they got too far, but I guess it didn't work… Hey Sasha! Stop walking for a minute and face me? Please."

She stopped, but didn't turn around. "I would."

"What?" Connie scratched his cheek.

"I would." She repeated.

She heard him sigh and take a step forward. "Sasha what are you-"

"I would die for you." She turned to face him. It was quiet enough for her to hear the horses neighing from where they stood a couple feet away from each other. He didn't say anything but carefully regarded her.

Connie didn't think that she would die for him? For the as long as this time loop had been going on she had been trying her hardest to save him. She had already died for him. Sasha knew it wasn't fair of her to hold him to that since he couldn't remember what she had gone through during any of the time loops… Though it stung and it felt like a betrayal. Made her impatient and angry with him. She felt like she was looking at someone she didn't know anymore. Did he always have so little faith in her? Did he not believe that she cared enough about him to fight for him?

What was she mad about? "Of course she wouldn't." Why would he feel any other way; she used to feel that way before the time loops had made her relive this nightmare over and over. Battlefield kisses juxtaposed with gruesome deaths flickered in her mind, causing sweat to collect on her brow. Sasha wiped it away with the back of her hand.

"Do you not think that's true?" Tears were welling in her eyes, no, why was this all coming out now? She wiped them away to calm herself, but she only made it worse trying to hide it. So then she asked him a question she was afraid to hear the answer to:

"Connie, would you die to protect me?" It didn't matter, she already knew the answer. He had protected her countless times and died unfair deaths because of it. But how would he answer when he wasn't caught up in the emotional high of a battle between life or death? She wanted to know how he felt now, within the safety of the walls. When the choice was not a spur of the moment, burst of emotion in a life of death situation, but a real and genuine feeling towards her. Did he think highly enough of her to say that he would die for her? Did he even love her?

"Sasha, I don't know. Out there," he rambled, "it's different. People think different, there's fear and survival instinct..." he continued but she couldn't listen to it anymore. "How can you be so sure you'd die for me?"

Connie was so distraught and frantic. Panic trembled in his voice. Didn't he know how many times he had died and she was unable to save him... Wasn't it about time she died for him? She lifted her hand again and touched his face, cradling his cheek. His skin was soft and wet...wait, that wasn't right...Sasha wanted to see him laugh, to smile. Like the times during training or at meals.

Connie paused at the touch and looked Sasha in the eyes. He placed his own hand over hers, then the other, giant tears gliding down his face and dripping onto her's.

Smile...

She pulled him down, a movement which took all her remaining strength. Their noses knocked together, but he adjusted his head and gave her a soft kiss. The saltiness could be tasted on both their lips. Her lips trembled against his. Connie entwined his fingers in her wind-whipped hair.

The memory came to her like a flood, hitting her as if it were happening again right now. Back then she was ready to die for him.

She looked at him. Connie. She thought she knew him so well...but he still surprised her. Was it possible that he was becoming a stranger even after everything they had gone through? Their relationship was tipped way out of balance with the memories she held close to her heart, the same ones he couldn't possibly remember. She was invested in a way he would never understand.

Her breath shuddered in her throat and she dug fingernails into her stomach. Had the one person she had been fighting for all this time slipped through her fingers while she wasn't paying attention?

Connie was waiting for her to answer his question.

Would she die for him?

At one point she would have. Now it was different. She wouldn't die to protect him, she would to keep both of them alive. Then, no one would have to face that dilemma.

Sasha was in front of him now, and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Never mind," she said smiling wide, tears streaming down her cheeks. It still felt like he had punched her in the gut with his confession. "No one is going to die." She leaned into his mouth giving him the most selfish kiss yet, and he would forget it. She felt his shoulder stiffen under her hand. "Everything will be fine," her lips brushed against his as she spoke the words "I'll make sure." Sasha straightened her back and walked away without another word or glance in his direction.

* * *

When the soldiers left on the exhibition she would slip away. She didn't bother bribing her way onto Connie's squad anymore. When they were far enough from the walls, she would fall out of formation and then direct her horse at full speed away from her group. If her Zach, her Squad Leader, realized quick enough he would follow her before giving up the chase. That became the pattern for the next couple repeats.

Sasha would seek out a group of titans and attack them, testing new techniques and maneuvers. She knew the Black Haired Titan had answers on how to end this time loop, but she also knew it would be answered through a fight. So fight and train she would.

The time loops had done a lot to prepare her already. She spun the air loping off a titan's hand before redirecting her momentum to direct her toward its neck. Although her body didn't retain the benefits of the training, such as her muscles growing stronger, she also avoided sustaining lasting bodily damage. The titan swiped at her, raking twisted fingernails into her calf. She took advantage of this to build resistance to pain and took risks to learn how to best slay a titan. Her mind remembered every movement and passed it along to her body. She slashed at the titan and took out the sweet spot at the back of its neck. It fell to the ground with a satisfying thud. Training like this allowed Sasha to learn more than any military training could ever teach her.

All the while in the back of her mind, she remembered the terrible headache that being in close proximity with the Black Haired Titan brought on. How would she fare against that? Would she even be able to move, let along think properly, when she finally met with the titan? At least it also suffered the same effects as she did, so it would be a fair fight.

Finally she felt ready to take on this titan. She couldn't put it off anymore.

* * *

 **Author's Notes**

This was an extra chapter I didn't plan to write out ahead of time, but when the idea came I couldn't not write it! So bittersweet.

Again, thanks to all my readers and people who follow/favourite/comment. You're the best!


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